I have known Dave for twenty-five years,
Though we’ve never shared whiskey or beers.
He’s a fine upright friend,
And this poem I send,
As I raise up my Coke and say, “Cheers!”
Category Archives: Limericks
Zero to sixty in sixty years
“I missed it!” I cried out, aghast.
The birthday of Craig has just passed.
Though he’s now six-zero,
The man is my hero,
‘Cause parties with him are a blast.
This one’s for Captain Craig, Scourge of Lake Union and Environs. The notorious Craig was celebrated in an earlier Mepsnbarry Adventure, That’s Me in the Monkey Mask.
In Memoriam, Clarence Narcross
I believe that a limerick is a delightful way to celebrate someone’s life, which is why I advocate writing birthday limericks. Last week, a dear friend passed away. He was a kind, gentle soul with a great sense of humor. I think he would have liked a memorial limerick, so I wrote him one:
I’m not one to spend much time in prayer,
But the rules of this life seem unfair.
So, does God grant forbearance?
If he does, please send Clarence
Back down — we need time to prepare!
It was only a few months ago that I wrote another limerick for Clarence, when he first went into the hospital.
A Burning desire to write limericks
Everything mentioned in the following rhymes is absolutely TRUE. Burning Man really is that weird, and that inspirational. At least, it inspires crazy Burning Man limericks!
Are these fellows really our males?
They’re wearing pink wigs and cat’s tails,
And crazy orange shirts,
With bright sequined skirts,
At Burning Man, weirdness prevails.
In fishnets and boots with high heels,
I jump on my spiffy pink wheels,
My seashell bikini,
Might score a martini,
Because of the skin it reveals.
A huge pterodactyl walked by,
He towered 12 feet in the sky,
And Dave’s disco ball,
Which held us in thrall,
On Barry’s bike, then caught his eye.
The dust storm came out of the blue,
I knew then just what I should do,
“There’s room here, to hide,”
I pulled him inside,
A handicapped toilet for two.
They blew up the derrick last night,
The mushroom cloud: What a cool sight!
And over the sound,
Of “techno” all ’round,
I heard, “Holy sh*t, that was bright!”
Big noise, small source
Here’s something that Grandma enjoys:
A house that is chock-full of noise,
Where elephants thump,
And dinosaurs jump.
Such racket from two little boys!
When two boys come for a visit, and their combined age is less than 10, there’s a lot of chaos!
Cakeless Kate
There once was a lady named Kate,
Whose birthday was on this fine date,
She wanted a cake,
But her friends could not bake,
So her candles just sat on a plate.
Here’s a funny coincidence — a reader I’d never met asked me out of the blue for a birthday limerick for her friend, Kate. I dashed this off, then sent a copy to my brother-in-law, whose daughter is named Kate. He wrote back, saying Kate’s birthday was only three days away! What are the chances of that?
Of course, then I got overwhelmed and forgot to post the limerick on June 6th. Silly me…happy belated birthday, to all Kates!
40th Birthday Limerick for a Pirate
Now, there once was a pirate named Barry,
Who is frozen and quite stationary,
He’s unable to fight,
What is looming in sight,
Turning forty for him is reeeeeeal scary.
Amtrak’s Kissing Couple
We have gotten a new reputation,
And we’re known through the train and the station.
When it gets dark, like this,
We exchange a brief kiss,
It’s our “Tunnel of Love” celebration.
We’ve just arrived in Southern California after an amazing 35-hour adventure on the train. I planned to celebrate every tunnel with a smooch, but this had slightly embarrassing consequences. The dining car only had booths for four, so we sat down for dinner directly across from an older couple from Santa Cruz. During that one meal, we went through 22 tunnels, which interrupted both the food and the conversation. When we sat down the next day for lunch, our reputation had preceded us. Two strangers from LA were seated across from us. But they knew who we were: “You’re the kissing couple!”
Opening day of what in May?
I went out yesterday on a lovely little 1947 Chris Craft to celebrate the “Opening Day of Boating Season.” Given the limerick below, it’s appropriate that the boat’s name is “Flagrante Delicto.”
There’s a poem that starts out “Hooray,”
And the word that rhymes with it is “May,”
If you know what I mean,
Then I won’t be obscene,
Outdoor boating is what starts today.
My essay last year about Beltane and other early-May holidays even used “Hooray, Hooray, the first of May” as a title…but I never published the rest of the poem.
What rhymes with Meps?
I’ve never tried to write a poem about myself. The only word that I can think of that rhymes is “adeps,” a synonym for lard.
But I discovered yesterday that when properly lubricated (see my recipe for the Goombay Smash), my friends can produce birthday limericks right off the cuff. Since Tina just had a birthday (4/27) and Will is about to have one (5/16), I’m gonna write some limericks about them, too. Luckily, I have just the reference…my own article, entitled “How to Write a Birthday Limerick.”
From Tina:
There once was a sailor named Meps
Who’d had poor luck with men, excepts
a sailor named Barry
Who asked her to marry
And so they went up the church steps.
From Will:
There once was a sailor named Meps
Who refused to take her twelve steps
With surprising alarm
She drank with both arms
By morning she cried, “Oh my biceps!!!”
For Tina:
Is it time for a concert, Ms. Tina?
Will your rub board’s sound fill this arena?
For the Zydeco Locals,
Which feature your vocals,
Make me dance like a crazed ballerina.
(If you follow the link to the Zydeco Locals’ website, Tina’s the one on the left, with the rub board.)
Will’s limerick will be coming soon…I have two weeks to work on it, and plenty of material.