An airline in Chapter Eleven
Took me up in a seven-four-seven
With legroom to spare
We flew through the air
With peanuts like manna from Heaven
——–
Our flight from Seattle to Atlanta wasn’t very crowded. That means there were extra packs of peanuts to go around — woo hoo!
All posts by meps
Flying With Pirates (and an apology)
For those of you who receive these by e-mail, Barry says he wants to apologize. His add-on code went haywire last week and resent a whole bunch of old posts. I was mortified! I hope this new piece makes up for the unintentional spamming of your e-mail.
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I’m sitting in the Atlanta airport, reminiscing about the good old days. Those were the days before 9/11, when airport security changed forever.
Back then, you could walk someone to the gate and say goodbye, with their very plane visible through the big windows. You could meet people at the gate, too, carrying huge bouquets of flowers and gigantic teddy bears. One year, I put on my leather jacket and chauffeur’s cap and made a large cardboard sign reading “SCHULTE.” My brother didn’t recognize me standing at the gate. Given that he walked right by me, he must not have recognized his own name, either.
They were worried about terrorists back then, but they didn’t know which weapons to be afraid of. Flying home from a Christmas celebration in the early 90’s, Barry and I were just about strip-searched. Grandma had given us a lovely letter opener shaped like a butter knife, and we foolishly left it in our carry-on. They didn’t have envelopes like they do now, so you can nail your sentimental nail clippers home; back then, they just let us carry that scary butter knife on the plane.
They used to put the metal detectors a lot closer to the gates, too, so waiting passengers could enjoy the show. We were sitting near the checkpoint in a Michigan airport once, when everyone started talking and snickering. A biker had walked up to the metal detector. Every square inch of his leather jacket and pants was covered in decorative metal rivets. He sported earrings, a nose ring, chains around his neck and waist, a studded collar, and a studded wristband.
The security fellow sighed, waved him over to the side, and pulled out his wand. It was useless to try to “detect” metal within about ten feet of him, so the screening was silly. Nonetheless, they didn’t subject Mr. Metal to the embarrassing pat-downs used today. A few minutes later, the voluptuous Mrs. Metal appeared, togged out in matching attire, and was given even less of a screening.
My favorite story about travelers with interesting attire was on a redeye flight from Seattle to this very airport, Atlanta. I was traveling alone, on business, and Barry walked me to the gate. We were distracted from our farewell embrace by the arrival of a half-dozen pirates. They wore pantaloons and pirate blouses, bandanas and eye patches. Luckily, since Barry had accompanied me to the gate, I was able to confirm that I was not hallucinating.
The pirates were incredibly loud and boisterous, laughing and joking and slapping each other on the back. Every step jangled and clanked, thanks to the chains and medallions around their necks, plus each one had a huge pewter tankard hanging from his belt. “So much for sleeping on this redeye,” I commented wryly to Barry.
But I was wrong! They were not the youngest pirates, and shortly after settling on the plane, they were all fast asleep. The only noise was a little snoring.
They turned out to be Seattle’s infamous Seafair Pirates, headed to a pirate rendezvous in the Caribbean. A bunch of pirates were getting together from all over the world, and these guys wanted to be well-rested for the nonstop partying ahead.
When we got off the plane in Atlanta, it was about 5 am. The pirates and I were all a bit wilted as we started walking down the empty concourse. Just before we parted ways, I pulled out my camera. “Just one picture,” I pleaded, “or nobody will ever believe this.” They insisted on putting me in the middle of the photo, and we found a sleepy passenger to snap the photo.
Ever since that experience, I have always wanted to dress up as a pirate and jump on a jumbo jet. Sadly, I think I would have to pack my costume in checked baggage. I’m not sure what the security folks would do to a lady in an eye patch with a pewter tankard hanging from her belt, and I’m not sure I want to find out.
An earth-shattering Kaboom
There’s a great Looney Tunes character by the name of Marvin the Martian. He was always trying, unsuccessfully, to blow up the Earth. Usually, his equipment would act as a dud, until he walked over to it. In a little nasal, strangled voice, he’d say, “Kaboom… There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Kaboom…” Then it would blow him up.
Whenever Barry and I send out a big important e-mail, one of us will say, “Kaboom… There was supposed to be an earth-shattering Kaboom…”
A big important e-mail can be a resume for a job you really, really want. You’re praying that you didn’t misspell your own name when you hit Send. It can be a party invitation for Friday the 10th, only half your friends show up on Friday the 9th and the other half show up on Saturday the 10th. It can be a holiday letter to 50 friends that says “Had a great trip to Fart Rock this summer.”
I’ve been volunteering down at the Bahia Street office for about a month now, and I’ve had several “Kaboom” moments. One of my first projects was sending out our quarterly update e-mail, a delightful letter written by co-director Margaret Willson. That went to about 575 people, mostly by e-mail. Then I wrote a brief e-mail to our Seattle area donors and volunteers, about 400 people, asking for volunteers for an event. I got a number of friendly and positive responses.
Yesterday, I worked on my most earth-shattering project yet. Once a year, we send out a real letter in the mail, asking for donations. I was brainstorming with Margaret Willson about it, since she has always written and signed such correspondence since we started in 1998. Somehow, we came up with the idea that I, as a founding board member, should write and sign the letter. It sounded like a fun writing challenge, so I said, “Sure!”
I sat down at the computer and mentally pictured a couple of friends who are on the mailing list. Then I started typing what I would say to them. It wasn’t all that difficult, and the letter was done in an hour or two. I showed it to Margaret and Nancy and Barry, and each of them suggested some good edits. I listened to each suggestion, thinking, “Would I use those words if I was speaking? Then I made changes carefully, being sure to keep the letter in my own “voice.”
That’s where a letter is different from an article or a book. As a professional editor, I believe everything written can benefit from editing. But a letter is a special case: If it’s too polished, or if there are words the author wouldn’t normally use, it can actually lose credibility. It’s the difference between having your name at the top of the paper, and having your name (and signature) at the bottom.
I didn’t give it a lot more thought until I arrived at the office yesterday morning, ready to do the actual mailing. Nancy had done all the printing, and boxes of envelopes were stacked three and four high on the table. The letters themselves sat nearby, a pile of almost 700 pieces of paper with my name at the bottom.
Stuffing envelopes all day was not like hitting “send” on an e-mail. It was much worse. During the hours of envelope stuffing, my mind was free to really worry. Was the letter OK? Would our supporters mind that I had written it, instead of the usual Margaret? Would someone find fault with my grammar or spelling? Would anyone be offended?
I suppose that’s one reason people are often intimidated by writing. There’s a fear of putting your words on the line, such that you can’t take them back or soften them. I’m never been intimidated by that before, but then, I’ve never sent a letter to 700 people.
Was there supposed to be an earth-shattering Kaboom, or is that just the sound of my confidence cracking?
By the way, if you aren’t on the Bahia Street mailing list, and you’d like to receive my wonderful letter, let me know. You can also go to the site and sign up for the mailing list. While you’re there, please make a donation — thank you!
Tracking the trackers
Sunday afternoon was sunny and warm. I was tired of working away in the basement, so I popped upstairs to the kitchen for a cup of tea and ran into Barry’s father, Dave.
“I just shot a deer,” he said, calmly rolling himself a cigarette.
“You WHAT?” I squealed, my jaw dropping. For as long as I’ve known Dave, he has hunted deer with a bow. In Ohio, he used to drive out to the country on the weekends, but for as long as I’ve known him, he’s always returned empty-handed. Here in Washington, he just walks out into his own wooded backyard, where he’s built a lovely tree house that he calls a “tree stand.” He’s an excellent shot, and I’ve seen enough deer in the neighborhood to know they’re out there. But for some reason, they avoid Dave when he has his bow.
There’s a carving in the family room that illustrates the scene of Dave’s last successful bow hunt, several decades ago. Although it has the feeling of a family legend, it’s decorated with real antlers from the buck he got. It’s proof that he can kill a deer with a bow, he just hasn’t done it in the years I’ve known him.
Now he was telling me he’d just shot a deer, no drama, no excitement. Where was it? I looked out in the backyard, expecting to see a dead deer. Dave explained that the deer was still out in the woods someplace. If it doesn’t just drop dead when you shoot it, it’s no good to chase it immediately. It will run that much farther and faster. It’s better to wait a half hour, then track it. I was practically jumping up and down with excitement, while he calmly waited out the half hour.
He and Sharon put on their boots and headed out to the woods to find it. “I’ll help you drag it back, if you need help,” I offered. Barry and I went back to our own projects and waited for the deer trackers to return.
A couple of hours later, there was no sign of them. We couldn’t stand it, so we followed them into the woods. Near the rear of the property, we saw a square of white toilet paper on the ground. Next to it was a patch of deer blood. We followed the toilet paper squares for a while, eventually coming to a forbidding bramble. “Who knows how far they had to go,” I said. “Maybe a couple of miles,” said Barry.
We turned back, not wanting to obliterate the trail or crawl through the thorns, and then heard their voices. They appeared from the thicket, disheveled and dejected. They’d followed the deer a long way, but eventually the blood stopped, and they could track it no further. “We spent an hour searching around the last spot, but there was nothing to follow,” Dave said.
I was in the lead as the four of us headed back down the trail to the house. As I approached the spot where Dave had shot the deer, I saw movement. Standing on the path, right at that very spot, was a doe. She looked at me reproachfully, then turned and ran through the woods.
A shiver went down my spine. Why was she standing right where the first piece of paper marked the trail of her fleeing friend? Did she know? Was it a coincidence? Are deer telepathic?
I know the deer population has to be controlled, and if we humans don’t act as predators, they’ll starve. But it’s hard for this soft-hearted former vegetarian to reconcile that with the look on the doe’s face. Still, I hope one of these days Dave manages to get a deer. The one that got away just doesn’t make much of a family legend, and it doesn’t make much venison steak, either.
Our dear hunter
There once was a guy with a bow
And into the woods he would go
To look far and near
For a nice chubby deer
To put in the freezer, you know!
Read more about Stellrecht adventures in bow hunting here.
Why would you work if you didn’t have to?
Before I opened my eyes this morning, I heard a hard rain beating on the roof. When I used to have a full-time job, days like today would make me think, “This is a good day to go to work!” I would dress in my raincoat and hat, take the bus to the office, and once inside, with a warm, dry, usually windowless office, I could forget all about the rain.
It has been almost two and a half years since I have had to go to work, but I’ve certainly done a fair amount of it since then. Barry and I have worked hard on a number of projects: Getting rid of our furniture and extraneous belongings, fixing up a 44-foot sailboat with a friend, launching and maintaining our website, fixing up and selling our Seattle house.
Between all that unpaid work, we traveled. It’s not something people usually think of as work, but it is. Before you leave, there are reservations and plans to make. Once you begin your trip, life becomes a constant scavenger hunt, searching for things like road signs, campsites, fuel docks, bus stations, grocery stores, and restaurants. It’s an effort to find people to connect with and things to do, and it’s rewarding, but exhausting.
We’ve done work for others, too. Last spring, I worked for weeks to put together a fundraiser for the Puget Sound Cruising Club. Barry and I revised the website for Bahia Street. We helped friends paint their beach house. We helped “cater” a couple of parties at my sister’s house in Eugene.
I know a lot of retired folks, some of whom work, and some who don’t. My father retired almost 20 years ago, but he’s written a book and taught college journalism classes since then. His current gig is a job critiquing newspapers — he sits around the house, reading newspapers and getting paid for it, then presents the findings to newspapers all over the state of South Carolina. Barry’s parents work hard to maintain their house, yard, and woods. Every day with good weather finds them outside, weeding, planting, mowing, building. Their beautiful yard is magazine-quality, at least it was until we put a 30-foot travel trailer in it.
When I worked outside Washington D.C., there was a fellow in the office named George. He was in his 80’s, but he came in a couple of days a week to lend his expertise on military strategy projects. At the time, I was in my 20’s and I didn’t like most of the men in the office where I worked. I couldn’t imagine why George would work there when he didn’t have to, and when I heard that he died during a two-week vacation, I thought it was terrible. Looking back now, I realize that he enjoyed the work, it engaged and stimulated him, and the fact that he worked his entire life was one of the things that made him happy.
I’ve known folks who were retired or unemployed who didn’t do work, either paid or unpaid. Their worlds become smaller and smaller as they sit and watch TV, and nothing engages them. They don’t seem happy, but there is little I can do for them, except worry.
If working is actually good for us, then why did Barry and I retire? It’s a good question.
After 20 years of working, I was tired of short vacations and long commutes. Working long days for someone else was great in terms of money and benefits, but it sapped my creativity and left me no energy for writing, art, music, or that all-consuming category, “projects.”
On the other hand, I had fun and challenging jobs, with cool titles like “Production Editor,” “Graphic Designer,” “Knowledge Manager,” “Information Architect,” and “Business Analyst.” I was rewarded for being a good communicator, a creative person, someone who is technically savvy.
When Barry and I returned from Alaska in August, we thought we were ready to go to work together on our next big project: Building a boat. We bought a 30-foot travel trailer to live in and put it in his parents’ backyard. We started planning the boatshed in which to build the boat. We started making changes to the trailer, to make it a comfortable home.
But an element of doubt appeared. We had always planned to build a Jay Benford Badger, but we were unsure whether to stick with the 34-foot version or build a larger one. Full of enthusiasm, we did further research on the boat. The results were discouraging. From a former owner, I heard “Terribly slow, no good in light air.” The Pardeys, who sailed against Badger in an informal race, told us “So slow, you’ll arrive after all the parties are over.” I initially brushed off comments about “no resale value,” but how can we justify $60,000 of materials on a boat that’s worth less than $20,000 when finished?
On top of that, I find that fixing things up (Cayenne, the house, the trailer) is not my strong suit, it’s Barry’s. I’m the communicator, good with people, not the engineer, good with “stuff.” What will happen to me if I spend two years in isolation doing tasks I don’t really enjoy? Will I revert to being the person who fixes sandwiches and holds tools for my husband?
This huge project, which was to be our work for the next couple of years, is in doubt. Do we build it anyway? Build a different boat? Buy a boat? Give up the dream of cruising?
When your life’s plans are in limbo, the easiest thing to do is go to work. So we work on the trailer every day, installing carpeting, rebuilding the bed, repainting it in whimsical colors. One day a week, I take the bus to Seattle, a 2-1/2 hour commute each way, and I work in the Bahia Street office as their new “Public Affairs Manager.”
We are talking about finding short-term or part-time jobs, something we’ll each find engaging that will give us a bit of breathing room to make decisions. It’s a weird thought, that we have come full circle from our retirement, and now it’s time to work again. But sitting on the sofa eating bon-bons just isn’t the life for me. Looking at what we’ve done since we retired from our jobs in 2003, we are always working, and always, perversely, enjoying it.
Leopard-Print Daisy
A lovely old-timer named Daisy
Said, “This is no time to be lazy!
“My birthday, I think,
“Is a fine time to drink,
“But responsibility, let’s not go crazy.”
So we drove down to rainy Eugene
To check out this partying scene
But the gas left us broke,
So her gift was a joke
Just her face on an old magazine
Still, her friends, they were very impressed
By the way that the picture was dressed
They all said, “Daisy’s not
old, she is HOT!
And her dancing is among the best.”
Yet another birthday limerick, this one in honor of my big sister, Daisy. We drove down to Eugene to attend her party last weekend, and after cocktails and conversation, we danced the night away. Our gift was a copy of AARP’s “Modern Maturity” magazine with a great photo of Daisy on the cover–her face on Susan Sarandon’s body, wearing an outrageous leopard print dress. I was so busy, I forgot to take a picture of it!
Update on the Beans Gang
When I posted that last piece, I really wondered what had become of Dave and Simon and all the wonderful Monday night bean-eaters. Luckily for me, the Internet is a small world.
Simon read that piece and used the “comment” feature to give us a quick update — the storm blew him to Austin, Texas, about 450 miles from New Orleans, where he’s starting over. He also let us know that Dave had landed in Illinois.
A few days later, an e-mail from Dave appeared, entitled “Moored in Champaign.” His mother, who lives outside Champaign, Illinois, opened her house to 11 refugees. In the weeks since the hurricane, they’ve rented a couple of houses there, where the kids are in school and several of the grownups are working in a local chocolate store. According to Dave, “I’ve still got work from existing clients, which I’m very thankful for. Now just to find the time to start working again (being a refugee is a lot of work!).”
In response to my offer to replace the crockpot, Dave wrote, “As far as I know, the crockpot and rice maker are OK.”
A couple of paragraphs from Dave’s update give an inside glimpse at the refugee experience:
In addition to the work, we’ve also received a lot of charity. FEMA has given us some money, as has the Red Cross, the Salvation Army and Champaign County Public Aid (food stamps). We’ve also got a host of public services being offered for free to us here in Champaign-Urbana (as they are to evacuees everywhere). And then there’s the font of cash, gift cards, clothes, food, etc. we’ve been receiving from family and friends. Wow. It’s really been amazing, this outpouring of support from everyone from complete strangers to close friends. As traumatic as this all has been, the love, kindness and generosity we’ve experienced has been downright inspiring and deeply touching. We feel profoundly appreciative. Thank you all.
So we are settling in here and trying to make the most of being here. We all miss our home very much. We want to go back as soon as it is safe and practical to do so. Ana still has her job at Tulane and they sound like they are determined to re-open in January. If so, we’ll probably be back by then at the latest. Our house fared very well in the storm, considering some of the experiences of others we know. I’ve attached a picture taken on Thursday of last week by the intrepid David Martin. You can see the waterline on the garage door. Thankfully, it didn’t get high enough to damage our main level (where most of the red beans and rice congregating happens). We have likely, however, lost some personal, irreplaceable things which were stored on our ground level. We hope to go back to New Orleans for a couple days soon to recover a few things we didn’t bring in the evacuation. We also want to try to arrest the mold growth as best we can.
Dave Martin, who took the photograph of the house, commented that he was currently in New Orleans dealing with “floody mattresses” in his “poo stained” house. Lucky for us, he was inspired to write some beans lit (or maybe it’s no-beans lit) a couple of weeks ago:
Totally unauthorized beanetry to be sung to the tune of “The Old Cotton Fields Back Home”, more or less:
After this damp hiatus
Dave’s beans shall again cause flatus
and I will cross a sea of crestin’ foam.
Cause when the crockpot is a hummin’
them folks’ll all be comin’
to Lapeyrouse from wherever they may roam.
When Brad’s rice cooker is poppin’
well on Dave’s door we’re knocking
cause y’all all know New Orleans is our home
It all comes down to that concept of home. Your home is in your community, and the folks who return have to reconnect with their community. All over the country, people are wondering why New Orleans residents would return to such a place, where nature has destroyed the infrastructure and may do so again, as evidenced by Hurricane Rita. It comes down to community, which requires people to live near each other: How can you get together for Monday night supper when your friends have been blown all over the country?
From exile in Austin, Simon commented, hopefully, “Someday there will be Monday night beans again. :)”
I was hopeful, too, that someday I can make it back to New Orleans for a bowl of beans with Dave. After reading the following paragraph from him, I’m certain of it:
Of all the things I miss about New Orleans, it’s my friends I miss most. And the center of gravity of my longing is our weekly red beans and rice gathering. I know many others miss it too. To me, I won’t really be home until I’m crocking up a pot of beans again and opening the door to greet my friends on a Monday night.
WhyI’m not an RV-er
I’m staring at my new abode
Which from miles away, I have towed
Because I’m a sailor
This large, boxy trailer
Does not inspire much of an ode
===
I am getting used to the sight of our used 30-foot travel trailer in the driveway, but it’s still very strange to me. Why is the ugliest boat more beautiful than the loveliest RV?
The Best of Beans Lit
Another Monday has come and gone. Still no message from Dave Cash. I could cry.
The night before Hurricane Katrina came ashore, I sent a tongue-in-cheek e-mail to Dave, in New Orleans. The subject line was “World’s largest bowl for soaking beans” and the text read: “If the whole city fills up with water, you could soak a LOT of red beans! Good luck with the storm — we’ll be thinkin’ of you and the Monday night gang.”
Looking back at the message, I cringe at my attempted humor. Even with the warnings and predictions, we all thought that the storm would bring only minimal damage to folks like Dave.
We met him at a birthday party in New Orleans. We’d been nervous and unsure, not knowing anyone at the party. The only other private party we’d been to had involved a lot of drinking, and someone had thrown his (not-quite-empty) daiquiri cup on my head. But Simon and Kalleen put on a low-key, fun celebration, with Lebanese food and a Mexican pinata. Guests took turns hanging upside down from Simon’s inversion table, with much hilarity.
Finally, they brought out two birthday cakes, ice cream cakes from Dairy Queen. Then Simon looked over at Dave, with whom I’d been chatting, and looked abashed. “Oh, sorry about that, Dave,” he said. Dave just smiled. “It’s OK,” he said. “I’m used to it.”
Dave Cash is a vegan, the only healthy-looking person I’ve ever met who eschews all animal products, including dairy products and eggs. (Most vegans I’d met were teenaged girls who live on peanut butter and celery.) At Simon’s party, Dave invited us to his house for red beans and rice. “I do it every Monday,” he said. “Give me your e-mail address, and I’ll add you to the invite list.”
The following Monday, the first e-mail arrived. The subject, “Red Sea’s Cleft Wide,” made no sense to us, but the salutation, “Hello, Hungry Person!” got my attention. The message included the time, address, and directions. At the bottom was the recipe for the beans.
What makes the weekly invitation special, and the reason we asked Dave to leave us on the list when we left New Orleans, is something called “beans lit.” Friends and participants in the weekly dinner send poems — limericks, haiku, songs — and Dave publishes one of them each week with the invitation.
The first invitation we received was especially fortuitous. It included a piece by Mike Hahn entitled “The Ballad of Bean Night,” and it actually explained Dave’s tradition:
(to the tune of “The Ballad of Jed Clampett” with apologies to Paul Henning and props to the late, great Buddy Ebsen)
Come and listen to a story ’bout a man named Dave
and the celebrated legend of the weekly feast he gave.
He came from Californy went on down to New Or-leens,
where his roommate Chris started cooking up beans.
Red beans and rice that is. Big Easy style. Nice and spicy.
Well, afore too long Chris moved outa town,
But Dave up and said “I think I’ll stick around”.
So he loaded up a pot with his special recipe
and started serving beans out for absolutely free.
No cost that is. Gratis. Everybody’s welcome.
Well the next thing you know Dave’s got a million friends
And folks might think this is where the story ends.
But the legend carries on, to everyone’s delight,
Beans are on at Dave’s place every Monday night.
Bean eatin’ and jawbonin’. Come on in and set a spell.
Take your shoes off.
Y’all come back now, y’hear?
We later found out that Dave had been doing this, every single Monday, for almost ten years. It’s not a potluck, although people occasionally bring a salad or some wine, and Dave never asks for money. Over the years, he’s built a small community around the weekly dinner.
At the time, the three-person crew of Cayenne was no stranger to red beans and rice, since Brian had discovered a 10-minute mix made by a local food company, Louisiana Fish Fry. He loved the stuff and could have eaten it every day. When I provisioned the boat for long-distance cruising, I tucked dozens of packages of it into every locker and crevice.
On that first Monday at Dave’s, I felt like I’d found an oasis in the middle of the desert. For me, the boatyard where we lived was a lonely place. I couldn’t converse with the men who worked there, all of them sexist, racist, or both. The people I ran into at the grocery store and the post office were from east New Orleans — black folks with their own social structure, not interested in friendly banter in the checkout line.
Suddenly, I discovered a whole new group of New Orleans people: People who were open-minded and liberal. We stood around the kitchen, grousing about politics and the war, and the conversation drifted to music, psychology, and books. It was an old kitchen, functional but not beautiful, with a long table along the wall for the crockpot and rice cooker. An open cupboard held dozens of multicolored handcrafted bowls, and there were plenty of mismatched spoons for everyone. A shelf over the beans held bottles of hot sauce, the variety looking like a grocery store display.
Dave explained that Monday beans is a tradition in New Orleans; in the old days, women who worked on plantations did laundry that day. The beans would simmer on the fire all day and be served up with minimal fuss in the evening, when the laundry-workers were tired. The same technique worked for Dave, whose beans simmered all day in the crockpot while he worked, too.
Barry and I tried to start a similar tradition in Seattle, while we were refurbishing our house. We sent out an e-mail invitation, cooked up a mess of beans and rice, and waited expectantly. From the message I sent Dave, the first week wasn’t much of a success:
“Well, it was a total bust, here in Seattle. We sent the e-mail out over the weekend, but nobody got it until Monday morning. Since Seattlites are notoriously un-spontaneous, nobody showed up! I think we’ll have better luck next week. We might be a bit tired of red beans & rice by next week, since we’re gonna be eating the leftovers ALL week, at EVERY meal.”
On week two, luckily, some of our Seattle friends came by. That inspired my first Seattle-based beans lit:
Way up here in Seattle we thought
We would cook Dave’s red beans in a pot
All the chickens are glad
And the cows are not mad
Now we hope our friends come eat a lot!
But my attempts were nothing like the real, New Orleans-based beans lit. We had asked Dave to leave us on the list, so every week an invitation appeared in our e-mail box. The first one of 2005, by someone named “Dapper Dave,” read:
I have never been one to believe in a higher power. However, after I started reading and writing Beans Lit. I started getting a glimmer of belief. How could it be just coincidence that “beans” rhymes so conveniently with one way of pronouncing “Orleans”?
A couple of months later, Dave was desperate. He had no submissions from his friends, and was forced to write the following himself:
I sure wish I had some nice penneds
From my bean-eating, scribbling friends
But alas I have naught
So I whine in this spot
And hope this sad word drought soon ends
This was so successful (or so awful) that Dave subsequently received five new submissions, including this winner from Tom McDermott:
One night, when low on his means,
Hunter Thompson came over for beans.
He smashed all the glasses
offended the lasses
then wrote up all of these scenes.
A few weeks later, McDermott had me on the floor, laughing:
One week when they tired of rice
Dave and Ana served red beans and mice
Their guests were appalled
Overwhelmingly galled
But both their cats thought it was nice
Laundry, one of the two cats, made a guest appearance in this poem, one of the last we received:
Laundry is in a quandary; she knows not what to do.
Should she stay with Dave and Ana, or start her life anew?
Eight more lives of eating cat food is an outlook horribly bleak
Compared to being able to eat red beans and mice once a week.
Not all the poetry rhymed. Dave Martin provided this lovely haiku:
How can seventeen
Syllables suffice to praise
The glorious bean?
Most folks wrote about the beans, this piece, from Dapper Dave, gave a different perspective:
From “A Liberation Manifesto from Friends of Oppressed Grains”:
Too long has a certain delicacy been called “red beans and rice”, for red beans would be nothing without the support of the noble rice grain. Red beans are totally dependent on rice to be edible. Not so rice, which is a delicacy when combined with many of the world’s finest foods. Demand that from now on this dish be referred to as “noble grains of rice with a few red beans”!
My favorites were always the ones by Mike Hahn, who Dave called “the father of the beans lit and the no-beans lit.” Hahn invented something called a “beanerick”:
A beanerick is a poem of five lines
With a-a-b-b-a ending rhymes.
Its strange sounding name
Derives from the claim
That at Dave’s we eat beans, not limes.
Hahn’s inspirations are varied, and he juxtaposes some weird stuff:
Hieronymus Bosch was uptight,
So he painted all the wrong sights.
Remove the sordid and doomed,
replace with tasty legumes,
For a Garden of Beanly Delights.
Not all of Hahn’s stuff was beanericks, as this piece illustrates:
Beans
I THINK that I have never seen
a poem as lovely as a bean.
A bean my hungry mouth does seek
to probe its form with tongue and cheek.
A bean that looks me in the face
And promises delightful taste.
A bean I measure head to head,
A prolate spheroid cloaked in red.
Upon whose bosom spice has lain,
That spark synapses in my brain.
Like all beans past and those to come,
To nourish us it will succumb.
For poems are made by fools and queens;
But only God can make a bean.
Dave only took a few Mondays off from red beans and rice each year. He had a stock message for those times when he was out of town:
“Regretfully, I must inform you that our usual Monday night beans and rice dinner will not be happening tonight. Unless you hear otherwise, we’ll be back at it next Monday. So keep your spoons sharpened and come see us soon!”
But Hahn was so inspired last year that he raised the bar. In addition to submitting beans lit, he also started writing no-beans lit, pieces Dave could send out on the rare occasions when supper was cancelled:
When Bean Night goes on hiatus
Dave emails to update the status
And his trusty bean pot
Stays stone cold, not hot
Cause he’s resting his bean apparatus
On August 22nd, we received the usual invitation with a subject line of “Rock Bridge O’er Tides” and a short poem by Rachel Watts. The following Monday, I didn’t expect to get an e-mail from Dave — I figured the power was out and he was “resting his bean apparatus.” But four Mondays have gone by now with no message to my in-box, and I wonder and worry. Where is Dave? Has he lost his computer and his e-mail list? Where are the rest of the folks who get together on Mondays? Will we ever receive another message?
I’m sure this is not the end of the tradition, and I’m keeping my spoon sharpened. Someday, I’m sure Dave will return, and the beans will bubble in the pot. Then Monday nights will again be like this (from David Martin):
‘Twas steamy and the garlic cloves
Did waft and tittle down by Dave.
All famished were bohemians
And auto mechanics raved.
Dave serves the beans on Banks, my friends –
these meatless beans they have no match.
knock and they will let you in:
there’s no doorknob but a latch.
Dave takes his kitchen knife in hand,
takes out the fixin’s he has bought,
not reading from some recipe
he chops into the pot.
And as a chopping there he stands
the red beans soaking e’er the same
the beans get spilled and get spilled good
a-burbling o’er the flame.
Two by two they’re through and through
Dave’s kitchen on a Monday night.
He leaves them fed and it is said
he does that very right.
Oh have you eaten Dave’s red beans,
vegan legumes: his fiendish ploy?
O Mondilicious-day! Callooh! Callay!
Dig in now don’t be coy!
‘Twas steamy and the garlic cloves
did waft and tittle down by Dave.
All famished were bohemians
and auto mechanics raved.
You can find Dave’s recipe on the recipe page of our site, under Red Beans and Rice from Dave Cash.